1. What prompted you and John to undertake the book project in the first place?
Mary Jane Bower: Actually, it was John’s idea to start writing stories down. Our children were both budding entrepreneurs, and he had successfully been through the mill with that, so he said, “I’ve got some experiences I want to share with my kids.” As he says in the book, our son had given him a journal, a red book, saying, “Put your stories in here.”
Of course, for John, being dyslexic and not that great at the typewriter—typing was too much to even think about. But then he just started writing story after story. He would get up early in the morning, like he usually did, and he would type. He would print out whatever that story was and then leave it for me to read. When I got up around 7:00 or 7:30, there’d be a little story sitting on the ottoman. I would read it, edit it, and then we’d sit and talk about it. And I’d often say, “Well, that’s not how I remember it!” This was day after day after day. I couldn’t believe that he really stuck with it!
We didn’t think about making a book at the time. But then there got to be so many stories and so much crossover that I said, “This could be a book, or at least a self-published something-or-other of your thoughts. But I don’t have the first idea how to even approach that.” So that’s how it started—with him. He and I both couldn’t believe he kept going at it.
2. How did the process unfold from there?
Mary Jane Bower: There were two phases: before Kitty and after Kitty; before Modern Memoirs and after Modern Memoirs. At one point, we knew we needed a professional. Through a chain of connections, we found Kitty, an editor and founder of a business that specialized in memoirs. As we got into the meat of the work with Kitty, she actually came to our house in Florida for a week. Just before that point, John was sort of stuck, and so I asked Kitty, “Why don’t you come down here? We can just talk to you, and you can write it down.”
John’s speech and language were disintegrating as the process went along. By the time we enlisted Kitty, I was helping a lot; John was not writing as much. We were just making sense of what he’d written, figuring out what was missing. But in terms of editing the book itself, I did a lot of the work on the galleys. I would read to him out loud, and we would discuss the writing together. When we got to the book design, I took care of all the photographs. I gathered them and added the captions. I also wrote the foreword and another part in the book. So this project was a real collaboration.
3. From your perspective, what were the rewards of conducting a life review?
Mary Jane Bower: It was just the most wonderful gift to ourselves, to spend that kind of time together, reviewing everything that’s happened to us in our lives. We met when I was 14 and he was 16. Writing the book was very unique and special, and I just can’t imagine our life without having done that. He was telling his story, but it’s really our story, and the book captures it. Also, by this time, John was having trouble speaking, so he couldn’t carry on a conversation with people, but he would give them his book. That was a great help to him. People could get to know who he is in his own voice, especially reading the first half of the book. You get into the business part, and it’s not as much fun to read for someone who’s not in business. But there’s also a chapter on alcoholism and recovery, and a chapter on golf.
It gave him such joy to share his life with others through the book. And when he got to where he couldn’t even write very well, he still would write “from John Bower” in the front of the book, and he was very proud of that. It was a way for him to feel good about himself during this difficult, long journey.
4. What feedback have you gotten from others with whom you shared it?
Mary Jane Bower: We’ve heard really good things. When we finished the project, John still had his business, and he was still speaking somewhat. Upon receiving the books, we had a book party, a reception, at the country club that we belong to, and we invited a lot of people from his business days to come. We sent postcards out, and it was wonderful how many showed up. People were shocked and said, “I didn’t know you were writing a book!” John was thrilled, because he had mentored so many people over the years, and these people came—lots of friends and family. The book party was so much fun for him. We’d ordered around 150 copies, so everybody there took a book home. We gave books to each staff member of our company, too. I kept a whole file of cards that people wrote in response. Most of it was just so kind, telling John and me how much he’s meant to them in their lives. It was an affirmation of the kind of man he is.
5. It has been 10 years since you published the book. How do you and John use it today?
Mary Jane Bower: It’s handy to have around when the time is right. When John was still home, we had a caregiver. We gave her the book, and she began reading it out loud to him when she was visiting. Now, John is in memory care and is non-verbal. He took copies of the book with him, and the caregivers there started reading one of them and passing it around, so that was great, too. But he also has a copy on his bedside table, and we read from it often! We’ll go outside, sit in the gazebo, and just go through the pictures. Then I’ll pick a section of the book to read, and he just sits in rapt attention.
In August we celebrated our 57th wedding anniversary, and I read to him for hours about our first meeting and our first year of marriage. He loves it. He keeps looking at me as if to say, “I can’t believe we actually wrote a book!” He’s given me a lot of credit. And how many women have a man who writes about the love he has for them? It was in his simple way, in his simple words, but it’s wonderful to read and hear that. Also, our grandchildren have a copy of the book. They’re 21, 18, and twins who are 14. A year ago, we were at our summer cottage. One evening after dinner, we all sat around in the living room, and the twins read out loud from the book. That was very special. We just knew it was John’s last time to be at the cottage, and the kids were able to ask questions. I don’t know how much of the rest of the book they’ve read yet, but it’s there when they are ready.
It’s a gift that keeps on giving, I keep saying, because this book has really saved me. If John gets upset about something, I’ll pull the book out and say, “Oh, let’s look at this for a while.” And he just calms right down. I am so happy that we did that. It was, overall, such an interesting learning experience as to how you put a book together. Naturally I sometimes read it and think, “We missed some stories that should be in there! I would have changed this, and that, and the other thing…”. But I’m just thrilled that it’s in our lives, and that he did that. We never knew that it would be such a touchstone for us over these challenging years.
6. Is there anything else you would like to add?
Mary Jane Bower: I want to say how wonderful Kitty was with us, and with John. (And still is, because she still stays in contact, which is just wonderful.) I consider her a good friend, even though we haven’t spent that much time in person together. She’s such a special person, and she was exactly the right person to be helping John with this, with her open heart, and empathy, and encouragement. She was so positive all the time, and he loved having face time with her. It’s wonderful to be with someone who appreciates you. She really appreciated him, and us as a couple.
I think probably the most important part for anyone thinking about creating a book is that you all at Modern Memoirs do everything with such loving care, seriousness, and open hearts, with clear minds to help us wade through all this “life stuff” and make sense of it.
